


Try Again

by orphan_account



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Heavy Angst, Letters, M/M, i can't tag uwu, ig?? idk man, kevin's just sad D;
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 21:58:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18669178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: at that point in time, kevin saw that the ‘sweet’ in the bittersweet feeling while making the letters was gone. like everything had it much sweet, it rotted away. it was gone.





	Try Again

writing apology letters were hard. but writing apology letter that involve your love is even harder.

 

while you’re writing, you get this bittersweet feeling. it lasts throughout the writing of the letter. bitter because of what you did, and the fact that you wasted your one and only chance. sweet because of the love that you once had. 

 

kevin was not going to send this letter. it was too hard and he’d probably cry while sticking it in the envelope. here he was, signing his name, ‘ _kevin_ _moon_ ’. he took the lavender colored envelope, _jacob’s favorite color,_ he thought as he carefully put it in.

 

he did feel tears prick at his eyes, and but he did not move his hands to wipe them away. he took the letter from out of the envelope and carefully unfolded it, _jacob’s letter shouldn’t be messed up like me._ he looked through it, checking for mistakes, and felt his heart beat rapidly in his chest.

 

it hurt; his chest and his heart. he was really going to mail this letter. he was going to drive himself and drop it off at the post office. he had too if he didn’t, he’d never forgive himself, and he’d forever live in the painful guilt of hurting the boy he once loved.

 

he found himself choking back a sob as he erased a misspelled word and fixed it. it was ruined. it was alright, the letter was fine. he’d take the letter to the post office and mail it back to canada, where jacob went after kevin ruined it with him.

 

_it’s all a joke to me isn’t it? writing a letter to a boy that will never get it. just like a stupid clichè._

 

he folded the paper paper back up and put it back in the envelope. he sealed it, meaning if he tried to reopen it, he’d mess up the envelope. he dropped it on the desk and felt hot tears stream down his face and fall on the table and envelope, making a soft, _pit-pat_ sound on the impact.

 

_he’s not going to read it, he’s going to throw it away just like you threw him away._

 

kevin looked at the lavender, newly sealed envelope and let his tears blur his vision. _stop being weak and go drop off the fucking letter._ his mind thought.

 

he refused. he sat in silence, the world outside no longer mattering. he knew the faint sounds of cats zooming by would be there, but his mind didn’t register it. he just picked up another paper and wrote more things, his writing more regretful than the words he’d previously written.

 

_‘you said thank you for being there for you when no one else was, but i went and left you too.’_

 

the bitter.

 

_‘i remember in the eighth grade when sangyeon told me, “he likes you, but he’s too shy to tell you.” the feelings that overcame me were joyfulness because you liked me, embarrassment that he knew, and dizziness because as an awkward fourteen year old, that was strange to me.’_

 

the sweet.

 

what was written in the first letter wasn’t typical things like, ‘i’m sorry, i know you won’t take me back, but it’s still worth a chance. i’ve realized what i’ve done.’ no. kevin wouldn’t do that. what he wrote was meaningful. reminiscing back to the time he first thought he liked him. thinking about their first kiss and their first date.

 

after he got all of the ‘sweet’ memories down, he wrote all of the ‘bitter’ memories. the things kevin ruined; the day kevin threw their relationship away.

 

it was all kevin’s fault. he knew that, that’s why he was writing this pitiful letter. that’s why he was sitting in his dark room, lined paper illuminated by the light of his desk lamp, writing a second page or regrets.

 

_it’s all regrets. you’ll regret this later. you’ll regret this when you think about all of the things you messed up. you’ll regret it when you think about how you could’ve stopped this from the beginning. but you didn’t stop it did you? no, you continued to be selfish and self centered, you didn’t ever once think about your boyfriend’s feelings. you might as well say you regretted the relationship from the start._

 

finally, kevin stood up. he found that he had stopped writing and was just randomly doodling on the second page. he recognized what he was drawing as the pictures he used to draw for jacob back when he was bored. he smiled lightly at the thought as he tore open the envelope to put it in, not caring if he messed it up. _that’s all you ever do anyways._ he found his brain thinking.

 

he shook off the negative thought, and found his shoes and jacket, putting them on so he could be on his way.

 

walking outside, the cold air hit him hard. it was late december and it was very cold. jacob really loved this kind of weather. he smiled sadly, the coldness reminded him of drinking hot chocolate with jacob back when everything was okay with them.

 

he unlocked his doors and hopped into his car. he immediately winced. he hadn't driven in his car in a long two weeks,and found that the car smelled of the cologne jacob used to spray everywhere. _why does every single thing have to remind me of them._ it’s like everything leads back to him.

 

that’s because it did. every habit he had was from jacob.

 

he sighed, feeling his eyes tear up, “why do i have to cry at every little thing?” he shakily sighed and turned his car on.

 

he sat for a while, just staring at nothing, “i’m going to do this. i can do this. you can do this kevin.” he murmured to himself, slowly willing his tears away.

 

he looked at the letter and shook his head.

 

at that point in time, kevin saw that the ‘sweet’ in the bittersweet making of letter was gone. like everything had it much sweet, it rotted away. it was gone. just like jacob.


End file.
